Mediation   Mediation can be defined simply as the process of resolving problems.  A mediator is not supposed to act as a Judge or take sides; rather, the mediator's role is to hear the parties' respective positions and attempt to reach mutual agreements that ultimately are embodied in a Court order.    Chances are you first heard the word "mediation" by reading general divorce and/or child custody information online.  Perhaps your parent's child suggested it.  Further, you may have heard the word "mediation" when an attorney or a Judge told you that you needed to mediate a case before going to trial.  After all, it has been the case in Tulsa County for years now that mediation has been mandatory in most instances before the Judge will hear a final trial on the merits.  The typical process is to: (1) try to settle the case between the clients through attorneys, if any; and, if that fails, (2) try to settle the case at mediation; and, if that fails, (3) have a full-blown trial on the case and, since the parties can decide their fate by agreement, let the Judge decide it for them.   Because this stranger (the Judge) knows nothing about the parties or their case other than what he or she sees and hears during the brief time they are in front of the Judge in Court, the Judge's decision may not be as pleasing to the parties as agreements they reached themselves.  In many instances, neither party is happy to some extent with the Judge's decisions regarding issues upon which the Judge rules on in a trial.  For that reason, mediation may be the appropriate route.  When you get out of a trial with a bad order, you feel cheated and like a victim, and you are stuck with that Judge's decision, not understanding the reasons behind it.  However, when you reach agreed order arising out of mediation, you know the reasons why you compromised and why you reached those agreements.  You spent a few hours hashing out agreements, negotiating extensively with your spouse and being heard on your positions on various issues, and you are able to walk away knowing that you personally were a part of and owned the agreements reached.  Furthermore, you will in most instances not spend nearly as much money on the mediation as you would on the trial.  Most attorneys require additional funds or a suppemental retainer prior to a final trial in a divorce or custody case.  Spending this money may be avoided by mediation.   After practicing family law for years and more recently having a handful of colleagues urge me to start doing mediations, without them having any knowledge that I had been flirting with the idea of doing so for some time, I began conducting mediations.  The going rate on mediations right now seems to be $200.00 per hour; and since most mediations last 2 hours, that's $200.00 each party pays.  I think that's too much, especially for something that is not voluntary but is actually required of a person by certain Courts.  Consequently, I CURRENTLY CHARGE $100.00 PER HOUR FOR MEDIATIONS.  I PREDICT THAT MEDIATIONS WILL LAST TWO HOURS AND AT SOME POINT DURING THE MEDIATION WHENEVER I ASK FOR IT I EXPECT CASH, A CASHIER'S CHECK, MONEY ORDER, OR CHECK FROM AN ATTORNEY'S CLIENT TRUST ACCOUNT IN THE AMOUNT OF $100.00 FROM EACH SIDE/PARTY ON THE CASE.  IF THE MEDIATION GOES OVER TWO HOURS, I WILL GIVE THE PARTIES THE OPPORTUNITY TO CONTINUE IF THEY HAVE FURTHER FUNDS AT THAT TIME; OR IF THEY DO NOT, WILL GIVE THEM THE OPPORTUNITY TO RECONVENE AT A LATER DATE TO CONCLUDE THE MEDIATION.        At a mediation where I am the mediator, I meet initially with both parties and their attorneys, if any, at the same time to obtain basic information and issues between the parties.  Because people have a general sense of distrust for what happens behind closed doors, I keep every body together if I can.  However, if too much tension surmounts and the parties appear to be either engaging in a yelling match or trying to talk over one another, I separate the parties; and this is actually what happens about half the time.  When it does, I will then conduct separate meetings where I talk to one party and their attorney, if any, in one room, reach a proposal, and then go talk to the other party and their attorney and run the idea by him, who may accept it or counter-offer.  If there is too much rejection and the parties do not reach a middle ground on the issues, then the mediation fails.  However, without twisting any arms, so to speak, I act as a neutral third party who has experience with and an understanding of the issues involved who helps the parties to, if possible, reach agreements which result in agreed Court orders.   Speaking of Court Orders, as an attorney one situation I have often experienced is when trouble occurs between the end of mediation and the entry of the Order which arose from it.  Typically at mediations, the parties leave and one attorney agrees to prepare the Order embodying the agreements reached.  So several things can happen here: (a) the attorney takes months to prepare the Order, leaving the parties to forget what they agreed to or to change their mind in the meantime; (b) the attorneys can argue about who agreed to prepare the Order and refuse to or one or both of them can hold out and stall to try to get more money out of their clients before entering the final order; (c) the parties can flake out and simply change their mind.  Only the last of these possibilities, the change of mind, is acceptable and that is only in the case where the party who changes feels like they were put under pressure on the spot by everyone involved and in fact by their attorney, if any, as well.  They are welcome to do that too, as what happens at mediation is an offer of settlement and is confidential; as such, what happens at mediation is not supposed to be discussed in front of the Judge, although in testimony or in the Judge's chambers some discussion of it often leaks out.  In any event, I believe either party should have an opportunity to state they were under duress and change their mind, if appropriate, although their attorney or the other side may be angry with them; and, hopefully, that will not happen.  However, to ensure that their arguments as to what was agreed to and to see that the Order gets prepared, especially prior to some change in circumstances which would alter the agreement, I give the parties the option to allow me to prepare the Court order arising from any agreements.  FOR AN EXTRA $100 PER PARTY, OR $200 TOTAL, MY OFFICE WILL PROMPTLY PREPARE THE TYPED ORDER, DECREE, AND ANY ATTACHMENTS AND MAIL IT OUT TO BOTH PARTIES, IF AN AGREEMENT WAS REACHED AT MEDIATION.  So far as I know, no rule or ethical consideration prevents me from doing so.  Further, it avoids the parties arguing about which attorney will prepare it (who will charge their party and only their party attorney's fees for doing so), and it avoids arguments about what was agreed to because I, the neutral third party who conducted the mediation, will certainly not forget before I prepare the order.  So if you want to see the Order get done and can pay me to do so at the conclusion of the mediation or within ten days afterwards, I will prepare it; however, as is commonly the case, one of the parties' attorneys is welcome to prepare the typed order.   I conduct mediation at either of my offices.  Since most mediations I conduct are Tulsa County cases (as Tulsa requires mediation in most family-law cases), I more frequently conduct these mediations at my Tulsa satellite office rather than my main Collinsville office, for the convenience of the parties and their attorneys.  Also, if either party's attorney wishes to for the mediation to occur at their law office for purposes of convenience, I will meet there to mediate only if the other party is comfortable with and agrees with that location, understanding that, while appearing there, I am still a neutral third party mediating the case.   I enjoy mediating cases and helping parties with their problems.  Whether someone has an attorney or not, I am happy to help whomever will respect my advice and be willing to let me mediate their case for the reasonable fee above-described.  The longer I have practiced law, the more I have come to realize the benefits of mediation.  Let mediation benefit you, and contact me.   JOEL K. MITCHELL, Attorney-at-Law                    (918) 371-1896                    jkm@oklahomadivorceattorney.com